It dawned on me Tuesday of last week that I have been wasting a lot of time, but then I kept on wasting it for a whole additional week because wasting time is very fun.

And yet there is nothing more annoying (aka less fun) to me than the thought of time wasted. Is that ironic? Mid-90s Alanis Morissette would probably say yes, but I’ll just call it unfortunate and move on to this list of all the things I’m going to stop wasting time doing, starting today.

I know that 2017 is around the corner meaning I could wait until a resolution-themed post to commit to less flushing of time down my life toilet, but resolutions are like weight loss: just start today. You already know what chocolate and cheese taste like. One more month of eating them isn’t going to make it any harder to stop.

7. Getting up from my desk to get a handful of almonds

Do it once, it’s a snack. Do it 20 times a day at the very moment when the sentence won’t just write it’s damn self already and it’s a bad habit. Also, it’s not about the nuts. It’s about the fact that getting up to get the nuts inspires a dozen other possible distractions ranging from singing a short song to my dog to cleaning my entire kitchen.

6. Doing my hair when my hair doesn’t need to be done

I wrote a whole post about this back in 2015 then promptly became a giant hypocrite in the name of but everyone else at the cafe where I write has PERFECT hair. And so instead of spending 20 minutes curling and fluffing my hair every single day I recently spent 20 minutes on several occasions (let’s call it three to make me look good) buying hats that I can wear over my undone hair. Yes, I know the answer is give less shits about your hair, and I am working on it.

5. Gel manicures

Yep, they’re gorgeous and they last forever but they take so much time. And while I am all for an hour a week spent relaxing (see post on the merits of napping and credit card statement re: the merits of massage) there is nothing relaxing about a gel manicure, to me. The scraping off the gel stuff hurts and the magic drying light is probably giving us all hand cancer.

4. Pinterest

I waste plenty of time on Instagram, but it is nothing like the time I waste on Pinterest. On Instagram there comes a point where you’ve seen all the new posts and now have to elect to deep dive into another avenue that likely includes stalking someone you’ve never met. On Pinterest you type in “modern eclectic living room” and you’ve got pins for years. As such it must be avoided unless one is in desperate need of a one pot pasta recipe. In that case there is simply no better collection.

3. Writing when I should be thinking

Three weeks ago I wrote nine pages of a pilot that will never see the light of day because I was too lazy to start with an outline. While I’m of the opinion that writing is never a waste, writing when you absolutely know that you should be spending your time doing any number of writing prep steps is a waste of positive vibes. You need a lot of positive vibes to get a writing project done and for every one negative vibe – like the kind you get when you slave over nine pages of of pilot that don’t make any sense because you didn’t do any prep work – you need five more positive ones. So, long story short, think before you write, Jessie.

2. Pipe dream vacation planning

It is nice to set aside some time to plan a vacation. It is stupid to plan lots and lots of vacations you’re in no position to be taking when you should really be doing something more productive. That said, if anyone needs advice on how to spend 5-days in Cuba on a 1K budget between 12/26 and 12/31, holler!

1. Changing my outfit

I like to blame the fact that I change my outfit five times a day on the unique dynamics of Los Angeles weather. In the morning it’s cold. In the late morning it’s not as cold. By afternoon it’s very warm. A few hours later, not so warm. And then once the sun sets, cold again. Ergo: five outfits. But this is obviously just an excuse to walk away from my desk and spend 5-25 minutes playing dress up. Also it’s usually more like 30-45 minutes because I end up deciding I should donate some clothes and then re-fold all my t-shirts and then rearrange my shoes and then sing a short song to my dog.

 

Please share all the equally insane ways that you waste time in comments! And wish me luck!